Tag Archives: stalactites

UFOs in the Cave

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If you take  cave tour with me at Glenwood Caverns Adventure Park, you will see these signs in various places. I’m not exactly sure what they mean.

At first I thought they meant “No bloody hands in the cave.”

I realized that the owners wouldn’t put stuff on the tours which would scare kids, so I concluded that the sign meant “Don’t cut your hand on the stalactites.” That almost made sense until I realized that the picture is not of a human hand.

It is obviously the hand of some mutant creature from another planet. It’s unearthly.

The only conclusion that I can come to is that the sign means,”Don’t cut your alien fingers in the cave.”

Ever since then, I’ve been looking for traces of UFOs in the cave.

I’ve noticed the Sharpshooter photographers acting a little odd lately.

The lights are acting weird in Kings Row, and the bat is a little rambunctious lately.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check out those stalactites. I think behind them I see a set of antennas

Spanktites

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Matt and I were discussing the new cave tour for next year:

“We will probably put in switches along the way so the tour guide can turn off lights behind the group,” said Matt. “That way the guides can keep the tour moving along,” he beamed.

“I’ve got a better idea,” I replied. “Why don’t we grow some Spanktites in the cave?”

“What are ‘Spanktites?” Matt wanted to know.

“They’re like Stalagmites, and Stalactites, only they grow horizontally,” I answered. “The Spanktites could be spring loaded to swat the lollygaggers in the parotid,” I offered.

Matt wasn’t real sure if we should be artificially growing things in the cave. The spanking part didn’t seem to bother him, though.

I thought it was all better than the “Impale-tites” I was going suggest.

I’ve got a few months to work out the bugs.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get a pliers to bend some stalactites.

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