My space flight yesterday smashed all world records.

Wearing an army surplus gas mask and being propelled by sky-high gas prices, I was able to launch my new garage into orbit at 7:15 MDT.

I performed several useful scientific experiments while in orbit; experiments like Does Spaghetti Stick To Walls in Outer Space? and What Happens to Gangsta Pants in Zero Gravity?

Here you see me as I floated from the tool cabinet towards the garage door opener. A fly landed on the garage door opener and I was afraid that the door would open, sucking my expensive tools and myself out into the unknown.

My flight broke Dave Gullenex’s world record when in 1974 he and his cousin accidentally blew their garage 28 miles into the air while working on a Chevy Nova upgrade.

The reentry was smooth, but TSA frisked me upon landing at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport.

Let me know if I can ever do any experiments for you when I take my storage shed to the moon in November.

To the moon, Alice! To the moon!