I Should Have Been a Doctor, Not an Author

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At the Mountain and Plains book expo, I attended the Author Signing Night. People filed by, spitting hors d’oeuvres out of their mouths as they raved about my book, and asked me to sign it for all 15 of their grandchildren (couldn’t you get a book for each child?).

I would write something in each book about “tooth adventures!” and then sign my autograph starting with a symbol that looks a little bit like a “J”, followed by a smooth flowing hieroglyphic. It looked like it was written by Nerfateedees,  the 10 year old Pharaoh of the Foamtoy Dynasty. Then, I would do a Loren Begly “B”, followed by a M.C. Escher drawing of the New York skyline.

My autograph amazed even me. It was worthy of even the most practiced doctor. I could have gotten a prescription to virtually any drug in the world.

My second grade teacher wouldn’t have been surprised, however. She used to give me “C”s in Cursive Handwriting. Somehow, she just knew I was going to be a doctor, and she wanted to help me along.

I have to go now. I need to pull out the couch cushions and look for some lost foam darts.

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