It’s midnight. My eyes pop open. I’m laying in bed, slightly sweating from all of the solar radiation that I picked up today. There it is again, the unmistakable sound of footsteps up on our east porch.<\/p>\n
I get up, grab my solar flashlight, and put on a bathrobe and DC flipflops. As I climb the stairs, I can softly hear the animal walking outside of the house. I top the stairs and shine the light out the dining room window. There, the two beady eyes look in through the glass at me from a distance of about 6 feet away. The eyes are red in the light. <\/p>\n
I walk quietly over to the French<\/span> doors, and open one gently. Stepping out onto the porch to face my foe, I approach the beast. Pandora’s Box opens up…<\/p>\n act 1.<\/strong><\/p>\n I yell an Indian war cry and wave my hands in the air as I rush the animal.<\/p>\n The offending beast takes off, away from me toward the garage end of the deck.<\/p>\n Seeing the ladder and Tweety Bird folding chairs stacked at the end of the deck, the intruder turns 180 degrees, and runs straight toward me!<\/p>\n I lunge for the animal, determined to rid my property of its presence.<\/p>\n The speeding nymph pulls free of my grasp and runs to the French doors.<\/p>\n With only a slight pause, the beast enters my home. It is now inside of my house!<\/p>\n I run inside the house, confronting the white specter<\/span>, yelling, “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!”<\/p>\n A nasty square dance<\/span> ensues, with the beast, two glass doors, a pile of house building tools , clean laundry hanging up, and myself.<\/p>\n The solar light is shorting out, and blinks on and off wildly; like some cheap disco effect.<\/p>\n The intruder stumbles out of my house and onto the deck. <\/p>\n I chase the beast around my house several times, throwing small rocks at its hind quarters, in a vain attempt to chase it off of my property.<\/p>\n It likes my house and property… <\/p>\n act 2.<\/strong><\/p>\n I’m in the basement, yelling at my wife to get up and help me capture the animal.<\/p>\n She’s bleary eyed<\/span> from lack of sleep, and a bit confused.<\/p>\n It’s 12:30 am, and I’ve been squaring off with the animal for over a half hour, now. <\/p>\n I’m exhausted, frustrated, and my blood pressure is nearing the “hospitalization” threshold.<\/p>\n act 3.<\/strong> <\/p>\n My oldest daughter is calmly standing on the east porch, with a lasso around the wild creature’s neck.<\/p>\n I show up in my bathrobe and flipflops and ask her how she did it.<\/p>\n The animal lunges down the length of the deck, toward the Tasmanian<\/span> Devil folding chair, and launches off of a 5 ft. high spot.<\/p>\n My daughter hangs on for dear life, trying not to be pulled off of the deck.<\/p>\n She’s now wrestling with the midnight intruder and it’s dragging her towards the cliff next to our house.<\/p>\n I scream at my daughter to help her, and she says, “Leave me alone! I’ve got it!”<\/p>\n A lot of yelling ensues, mostly from my end. I grab the rope, and drag the animal with all of my might. It is kicking and flopping and pulling both me and my daughter along a steep moonlight hillside.<\/p>\n There are pleas for mercy, and the animal lays nearly motionless on the dirt.<\/p>\n Suddenly, it jumps up and the fight begins again.<\/p>\n We wrestle it generally in the direction of our intended goal…<\/p>\n act 4.<\/strong><\/p>\n The lamb is now safely in our shed, being comforted by my daughter.<\/p>\n I’m nailing boards on the doors like Wiley Coyote, as I try to secure that sheep for the night. It reminds me of another time I had to do this same type of thing. But that’s another story…<\/p>\n I put a pan of water into the shed.<\/p>\n My wife is stumbling around in the moonlight, wearing her pajamas.<\/p>\n She’s pulling grass for the lamb.<\/p>\n My daughter is removing multiple ropes from the now-docile lamb.<\/p>\n We waddle back across the steep hillside.<\/p>\n It’s 1:30 am.<\/p>\n It’s time to go to bed.<\/p>\n My daughter won the belt buckle.<\/p>\n The Midnight Rodeo is over.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" toward the Tasmanian Devil …
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