{"id":264,"date":"2012-08-22T03:14:00","date_gmt":"2012-08-22T09:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/?p=264"},"modified":"2012-08-20T17:22:50","modified_gmt":"2012-08-20T23:22:50","slug":"spanktites","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/2012\/08\/spanktites\/","title":{"rendered":"Spanktites"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/image.png\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" style=\"background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px\" title=\"image\" border=\"0\" alt=\"image\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/image_thumb.png?resize=391%2C114\" width=\"391\" height=\"114\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Matt and I were discussing the new cave tour for next year:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe will probably put in switches along the way so the tour guide can turn off lights behind the group,\u201d said Matt. \u201cThat way the guides can keep the tour moving along,\u201d he beamed.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve got a better idea,\u201d I replied. \u201cWhy don\u2019t we grow some Spanktites in the cave?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat are \u2018Spanktites?\u201d Matt wanted to know.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey\u2019re like Stalagmites, and Stalactites, only they grow horizontally,\u201d I answered. \u201cThe Spanktites could be spring loaded to swat the lollygaggers in the parotid,\u201d I offered.<\/p>\n<p>Matt wasn\u2019t real sure if we should be artificially growing things in the cave. The spanking part didn\u2019t seem to bother him, though.<\/p>\n<p>I thought it was all better than the \u201cImpale-tites\u201d I was going suggest.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve got a few months to work out the bugs. <\/p>\n<p>Now if you\u2019ll excuse me, I need to get a pliers to bend some stalactites.<\/p>\n<p>`<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Matt and I were discussing the new cave tour for next year: \u201cWe will probably put in switches along the way so the tour guide can turn off lights behind the group,\u201d said Matt. \u201cThat way the guides can keep &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/2012\/08\/spanktites\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[897],"tags":[1171,876,736,1172,1169,1170,1173,1166,1167,1168,1174],"class_list":["post-264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-comedy-2","tag-artifical-cave-formations","tag-cave","tag-cave-tour","tag-impale-tites","tag-lollygaggers","tag-partoid","tag-pliers","tag-spanktites","tag-stalactites","tag-stalagmites","tag-work-out-the-bugs"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2B5nY-4g","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=264"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/264\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":265,"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/264\/revisions\/265"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jerrybegly.com\/superunleashedblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}