Overweight people of the world, rejoice. Your dieting has just gotten easier, if not more expensive.<\/p>\n
Introducing the \u201cCalorie Offset Diet\u201d. I invented it, however it was inspired by the Carbon Footprint Credit industry.<\/p>\n
With the Calorie Offset Diet, you can still eat anything you want as often as you like. You simply buy \u201cCalorie Credits\u201d from my company \u201cAll Cal\u201d. We will do the dieting in your place, and you can feel good knowing that real, life-changing dieting is taking place somewhere in the world.<\/p>\n
Our prices can\u2019t be beat, especially since we are the only company in the world to offer dieting credits.<\/p>\n
The \u201cBasic Calorie Credits Plan\u201d sells for $19.95 per month. For that price, you get 2 Calorie Credits, which requires me to not eat blueberry cheesecake or sushi.<\/p>\n
Our \u201cFamily Dieting Calorie Credits Plan\u201d costs a bit more. For $1895 per year, my children and I won\u2019t eat Cocoa Crispies, Heathbars, or Wendy\u2019s #3 meals. (My wife never eats that stuff, anyway.)<\/p>\n
The \u201cCorporate Calorie Gift Plan\u201d is perfect for your organization. The one time fee of $3.2 million ensures that the entire nation of Ethiopia will be prevented from eating a Thanksgiving Dinner in the Midwest, or attending a Christmas party in Manhattan.<\/p>\n
Not since the debut of the Curly Fry Diet, and Carbon Footprint Snowshoes, has an idea like the Calorie Offset Diet been introduced to the world. So simple. So effective.<\/p>\n
I gotta go. The phones are ringing off the hook.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Overweight people of the world, rejoice. Your dieting has just gotten easier, if not more expensive. Introducing the \u201cCalorie Offset Diet\u201d. I invented it, however it was inspired by the Carbon Footprint Credit industry. With the Calorie Offset Diet, you … Continue reading